At some point or another we’ve all been on the giving or receiving end of judgement.
But why do we judge others?
I believe that it all stems from shame.
Shame, simply put, is the fear of being judged by another. There are times that we don’t share our thoughts or stories, locking them away as secrets out of fear that we might be judged by another. Some call this the ‘shadow.’ They are aspects of Self we believe to be unlovable and unworthy. We put things in the shadow, consciously or unconsciously, out of fear of being seen for who we really are. And we end up hiding behind illusionary masks, or personas, which we create because we believe will help us receive the love and acceptance that we so intimately desire.
But does it really have anything to do with what others think of us or is it just simply what we think of ourselves? because we all know that to judge another is to simply judge yourself.
In reality, it’s not about what others think of us that matters. The ideas of how we think we are supposed to show up in the world are painted and framed by the systems, ideologies and belief structures that we grew up with.
- What it means to be successful
- How to find happiness
- How to look sexy
- How to feel fulfilled
- How to do something of significance, etc.
And when we don’t live up to these faulty standards of what it means to be human, we tuck the disappointment deep down inside and do our best to hide it from the world. We see that fault as a sin - that we’ve missed the mark - leaving us feeling ashamed.
We’re also influenced by our peers, our family and our religious upbringing, all of them playing a significant role in shaping the lens in which we view reality, and ourselves. We don’t...
- talk about sex
- share about our pain or when we feel hurt
- talk about our emotions
- or even feel comfortable sharing our dreams, especially if they are to lofty or materialistic.
We are taught, especially as men, that in order to be successful in this world we must have it all together or others will see us as weak and incompetent. We are taught that we need to work hard to get ahead in life, that we need to make money (and lots of it) to be “successful” and find real fulfilment and happiness. So how do we cope? We continue to navigate the world, unable to speak our truth. This is the destructive power of shame. It destroys us, silently, from the inside out. And the only way to deal with this eroding inner landscape is to project our pain, our JUDGEMENT and our fear onto others and the world.
This is the core of the healing journey. Letting go of the shame, the fear and the judgement that gets in between the innate love and worthiness that we are gifted with at the inception of our souls.
Our true nature is love, connection and truth, and as we grow up we begin to lose our innocence.
Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. Matthew 18:3
As children, we are not born into this world with shame or fear or judgement. And if sin is to ‘miss the mark’ and that leads to shame, we must release our shame (sin) in order to enter the kingdom of heaven. In my opinion, heaven isn’t some gift of the afterlife offered to only a select few of us who act righteously but a gift offered to us all, waiting for us in the very moment we stand in. All we must do is let go of the shame that's clouding the lens. The clouding keeps us from experiencing the beauty, connection and love that we have for ourselves, humanity and our world.
But how do we get back to our childlike nature and release the shame holding us back from experiencing the full breadth of love available to us?
And you will know the truth, and the truth will set free you. John 8:32
We must speak our truth, and the truth will set us free.
We must turn the light of our own self-awareness inward, towards the shadow where we hold all the shame, and bring it to the light. The best way to do this is in the loving presence of another, to share those things that you hold onto so tightly.
There is no greater healing power than sharing your deepest fears, pains and traumas, and even your dreams, with another in a safe, loving container.
I know that in today’s world this is a hard thing to find. It’s why we seek out therapists, who aren’t paid to really offer advice but to provide us with a safe container to process. And therapists have their place for many, but what would the world be like if we had access to a safe space where we had the ability to share our truth in a loving, non-judgemental container. Here lies the destructive power of shame. Shame keeps us from sharing openly, honestly and transparently because when we fear judgement, we don’t share our truth, and that leads to feeling disconnected with the world.
We can find individuals on our path who embody the loving presence that we all need.
These individuals can hold a safe container for others to release, cry, and let go of the pain that may be holding us back from the love available to us. These souls want to support us in reaching for the highest vision we have for ourselves. The reason I know this is because I’ve met countless loving humans over the last couple years who have helped me on my own path to self-healing. Through their presence I’ve been able to feel comfortable and safe enough to shine a light on my own shadow and speak my dreams into reality, leading me back to who I am and what I’m here to do.
There is no greater feeling than finally being seen, heard, and loved in our truth.
I’m deeply grateful to every single person who’s held space for me over the last couple years, allowing me to let go of the stories holding me back from truly knowing myself and serving my higher calling. This is the power of COMMUNITY, PRESENCE, and LOVE.
We all possess the healing power of presence.
It lives deep within our own essence waiting to be unlocked and released into the world. Imagine a healed world, where we all have the ability to hold space for each other, without the fear of being judged - because to judge another is to simply judge yourself.
That’s my vision of how we manifest the kingdom of heaven here on earth and it’s waiting for us all, right here, at this very moment.
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